So you want to get married? Good luck. But think about what that means once you return from the honeymoon, for the rest of your life. Your marriage is an IKEA project. It can be heaven on earth or its opposite. What you want it to be, is for you to construct. Here’s a checklist.
Be kind. Especially when you are angry or after an argument.
Pray Tahajjud together. Wake each other up and pray Tahajjud. Those who pray together, stay together. Do you want the dua of Rasoolullahﷺ for yourself? Then wake each other up for Tahajjud. He asked Allahﷻ to bless the husband and wife who do that.
Keep all arguments and screens outside the bedroom. And no screens at the dining table.
Never, ever, sleep without making up and forgiving each other.
Marriage is not a P&L Account. It is a Savings Account. Keep depositing and it will be there for you to draw on when you need it. Try to ‘balance’ it and ask, ‘What did she do while I did all this?’ and you will make your life miserable. The surest and fastest way to destroy a marriage is to be an ‘Accountant’.
Keep confidence. What’s between you two must remain between the two of you only. Nobody else. She’s your Best Friend and you are hers. Respect that relationship and your marriage will be a source of great blessing. Let anyone else into that relationship, mother, father, sibling, anyone, and it’s doomed. It’s as simple as that. And it’s in your control.
Respect your wife and show that respect in how you treat her. Always. Especially when there is nobody else watching.
Her money, earning, inheritance, property, jewelry, gifts from you or your parents or her family are all her’s and Haraam for you. Except what she may give you as a gift. You are not even allowed to ask how much it is and she’s not expected to tell you.
Her food, clothing, shelter, all personal needs are your responsibility for which you are answerable to Allahﷻ from whom nothing is hidden. She doesn’t need to do anything to get these from you. They are hers by the right by which you married her. Qur’an. (Nisa 4: 1 & 4: 34)
She is not expected to help or support you financially in any way whatsoever. If you force her, no matter how subtly or obliquely that may be, you’ll answer to Allahﷻ .
Her responsibility is to be your best friend, respect you, be your confidant, be your moral support, create a beautiful home full of tranquility and free from stress and conflict, be your partner in the service of Allahﷻ, raise righteous children and make dua for you. Please notice that I didn’t say, ‘Cook and clean for you, polish your shoes, wash your clothes, etc. etc.’ That is because she is not expected to do any of that, including change nappies for your children. All those are your sole responsibilities. If she helps you, she is doing you a favor. Show your appreciation and thank her. If she doesn’t do it, she is still entitled to the rights that Allahﷻ granted her.
Value her dua of support and fear her dua if she’s oppressed. You may rightfully be wondering by now whether, given all the rights that Allahﷻ gives to the wife, it is worth getting married at all? All I can say is that until you say – Qabool – the escape hatch is always open. Those much wiser than you or I have taken that route. Maybe that is evidence of their wisdom.