‘No’ does not mean ‘Never’.
It merely means, ‘Not in this way.’ Or ‘Not just now.’
That’s what makes frustration fun
‘No’ does not mean ‘Never’. It merely means, ‘Not in this way.’ Or ‘Not just now.’ So invent new ways. That way frustration becomes fun. There are too many incidents in my life where I proved this theory to myself. Too many to narrate here. So just take my word for it and have fun. Until the Wright brothers invented the airplane, people couldn’t fly. Even today people can’t fly, but they have a machine that can and so they fly. Never only means not yet.
Test boundaries: It is a provable fact that many people assume constraints and boundaries and assume that they ‘can’t’ do something. Always ask, ‘How do I know?’ My favorite saying is – ‘Nobody ever knows the best that he can do.’ Our known limit is only the last great thing we did. The next thing we do creates a new record. So always test boundaries. Often the only boundary is in our minds. Remember also that boundary conditions change all the time depending on your own situation, strength, resources, network, power, influence, or knowledge. They also change depending on what is happening in the outside world, so they must be constantly tested and challenged. What was a boundary yesterday may not be a boundary any more.
Have you ever seen a bull elephant in his stable? They tie the biggest of them with a simple coconut coir rope on one leg. As the enormous animal stands there you can see that he can easily rip the rope out of its anchor or simply snap it and free himself if he wishes. But you are amazed that he does not do it. You are amazed that he does not even try. To understand why, you have to go to an elephant training camp.
When the elephant is a little calf, they tie him by the same leg with a similar rope. At that time he does not have the strength to break the rope. He tries very hard and pulls at it with his little trunk and jerks his leg back and forth and uses all his strength to rip out the rope from its anchor – all to no avail. After some days of continuing this struggle, he gives up. That is when he decides that he is incapable of breaking the rope. That is when he becomes a slave, voluntarily. As he grows, this constraint remains firmly fixed in his mind, that the rope is too strong for him. Even after he grows to his potential – weighs four tons, stands twelve feet at the shoulder, can lift a huge teak log with his tusks and trunk as easily as you and I would lift a tea tray, can push over a fully grown Mahua tree to get at the blossoms and tender leaves at the top that he loves so much – take him to his stall and put the rope loop around his leg; he leaves his leg anchored to the ground as if it were tied with reinforced steel chains instead of a coir rope. The steel chains are in his mind and are as powerful as if they were truly there on his leg.
People behave much the same way. We try our hand at something and fail. We take a risk and lose. Then we assume that we can’t succeed. Memory is a double-edged sword; it reminds us of our successes and encourages us or it reminds us of our failures and discourages us. But you know what? We can control the effect it has on us. So what should we do? Well, I look at my failures and take from them what I need to learn. Then I forget them. I don’t sit and brood over them and get depressed. The past is past. It’s only use, and that is important, is to teach us lessons. After that it is a liability.
Interestingly enough, the same applies to our past wins. Brooding over losses depresses you. Dwelling too long over the successes gives a false sense of greatness and glory that has no relation to the present, which may be a far cry from the past. We have too many instances in society of gloating over successes that are centuries old. Even if you built the pyramids, it is no use thinking about them today unless you know how to replicate them and even then, only if you can get someone to pay you to do it.
Reflect on success to replicate it. Reflect on failure to prevent repetition. After those lessons have been learnt, forget both and get on with present life; it is the only thing that counts and can affect our future which awaits us.