What is in my control

 My motto is: “I will not allow what is not in my control to prevent me from doing what is in my control.” There is no copyright on this. You are welcome to use it without giving me credit. You are even more welcome to practice it yourself, because results come only from action.

I say this because in our world of social media and a daily dose of bad news, we have been conditioned to forward news clips, Twitter posts, Instagram Reels, YouTube Shorts and so on, about events happening in wars, elections, global warming, species extinction, oppression of minorities, global poverty, disease, and all sorts of disasters. Many if not most of us, especially the elderly unemployed, make this their daily unpaid service. This puts the receivers in a spot about what to do with what they receive. If they tell you to cease and desist and stop wasting your and their time, you will get offended. If they say nothing and simply delete what you sent, then sure enough as the sun rises in the east, you will send a message saying, “Did you see what I sent you?” And…………….

That is why I began with my motto. As I said, only action yields results. Nothing else. Certainly not forwarding stuff. So, when you are faced with any news, ask yourself, “What can I do which will make a positive difference?” Then do it. If the answer is, “In this case, there is nothing in my control,” then delete that news and move on in life. And send this article to whoever sent you that post about something that neither they nor you can impact positively. Maybe that will have a positive effect.

I wrote a piece a while ago called, ‘Ageing Gracefully’. The link is here https://yawarbaig.com/blog/ageing-gracefully Please read and comment on the blog. And if you practice what I have suggested, tell me how it goes.

Social media does two things, both detrimental to our mental health. One, it gives us bad news. Bad news sells and so that is all we get, all the time. Two,  it gives us the ability to spread it to our network – near and dear ones included. That gives us a false sense of achievement – ‘At least I did something,’ – and then you can go back to sleep. Constant bad news of a kind where you can only feel helpless and frustrated, where you feel sad, anxious, afraid and angry, drags you down into depression and despair. Spreading it around may give you some temporary relief, but you know it doesn’t solve anything, which adds to your frustration.

Here are some solutions to this problem. Give yourself positive things to do. Here are some examples. Please feel free to check what else you can do.

1.    Visit hospitals and pay the bills of those who can’t afford to pay them. The smile of relief on their face will add days to your life.

2.    Visit prisons and pay the bail of those who can’t pay it and are languishing in jail without being sentenced. There are thousands like this.

3.    Go to a local school and offer to teach some subjects free of cost. If that doesn’t work, offer to teach children after school, free of cost. Doing it without a fee is critical. Otherwise, it is a job. It will not feed the spirit. Teach adults to read and write. It is like giving them a lease of life.

4.    Put out bird feeders and water trays and watch birds come to eat and drink and pray for you. If you like, set up a camera and take pictures. I can tell you that this is one of the most satisfying things that you can do.

5.    Keep a pet that demands attention. Something which needs care and you love taking care of it.

6.    Garden. There is something hugely satisfying about planting, cultivating, irrigating, and watching things grow. You can even do this indoors if the weather doesn’t permit outdoor work. No matter if you don’t get great yields. Just seeing things that you have worked on grow is therapeutic.

7.    Exercise daily. Something that makes you sweat and which strengthens your legs. Walk 10,000 steps daily. Okay, walk 5000 steps daily. Print out a picture of a wheelchair. When you feel demotivated about walking, look at that picture. I don’t know of anything that is more effective than that to get you out of your armchair and on the street. Except for a high-energy dog like a Terrier or Border Collie. But if you are old and a little shaky, I don’t advise you to have high-energy dogs. They can result in falls, which you don’t need. The picture of a wheelchair will do it.

8.    Paint, draw, sing, write – even if nobody appreciates what you do. You are doing it for yourself. Not for appreciation or prizes. Just do it. All these are hugely satisfying, cathartic, and healing activities. Learn something new. The more difficult it is, the better. Learning new things is the gym of the brain. It keeps neurons alive. Difficult to learn things generate new neurons and neuron connections. It is not about becoming good at the new thing. If that happens, that'll be great of course. But even if you don't learn the new skill or become an expert, it will still boost your brain and that is the best thing that can happen.

9.    Call or visit people and talk to them. Don’t begin the call with a complaint. “You have forgotten me. You never call. What is wrong with you?” That is a killer. Don’t make them wish that you didn’t exist. Don’t complain. Don’t talk about politics, or your aches and pains. Don’t preach, or pontificate. Don’t ask intrusive questions, which is such a dirty habit of our Desi Aunties and Uncles.  Show appreciation. “I am so happy to see you doing so well. Your children are lovely. That is such a lovely cup of tea. I really needed it. Let us go out to dinner or lunch one day when you are free. Here is a little something for you all.” Ask them or their children to teach you something – ‘Can you show me how this app on my phone works?’ There are a lot of things we can learn from the young ones, which will stretch our minds, build friendships across generations, and keep us relevant and engaged. And keep Alzheimer away. All eminently desirable goals.

10.  Finally, I want to share a poem which my dear friend Salil Dutt sent me. It says it all in such a nice way. The poet is unknown but most appreciated.

When wrinkles bloom and joints protest,

Don’t teach the world—just give it rest.

Even if you're right (and you often are),

Unsolicited wisdom leaves a scar.

Help only when someone pleads,

Don’t plant advice like stubborn weeds.

Don’t bubble-wrap your kin from pain—

Just love them deep, and not explain.

No moaning 'bout your knees or pills,

Or neighbors, netas, unpaid bills.

Don’t turn bitter, don’t be loud—

Grumpy elders aren’t allowed!

Don’t expect your kids to bow,

They love you—just not like wow.

Gratitude’s not their daily bread,

It’s us who dream it in our head.

Avoid the dreaded elder speech:

“In my time…” or “I did each…”

“I’m older, hence I know it all!”

That’s not wisdom—it’s just gall.

Don’t waste your cash on youth’s disguise,

On creams or potions full of lies.

Better to travel, dance, and roam—

Than Botox your way back to home.

Stay with the times, don’t lag behind,

Learn new tech, expand your mind.

Read the news, decode the apps—

Don’t be the one who always naps.

Do what you love, while you still can,

Be your own fan, your biggest stan.

No guilt-trips down memory lane—

You did your best, now don’t complain.

Hold your pride, your grace, your name,

Don’t play the martyr’s aging game.

Keep giving love, your finest art—

That’s the secret to a youthful heart.

Author unknown