Articles tagged with spouse
Keep confidence. What’s between you two must remain between the two of you only. Nobody else. She’s your Best Friend and you are hers. Respect that relationship and your marriage will be a source of great blessing. Let anyone else into that relationship, mother, father, sibling, anyone, and it’s doomed. It’s as simple as that. And it’s in your control.
Below is a real question and my answer to it. This happened to me in a country that I was visiting at the time to speak about the Seerah (life/way) of Rasoolullahﷺ. A very concerned young woman asked me this question. I answered her. After considering my response, she refused the proposal and lived to be very pleased with that decision. I am mentioning this here so that you know that this is not some hypothetical matter but very real. I am also mentioning this because this is a very common thing in many universities where Muslim boys and girls study together and try to follow their religion, but get confused when it comes to interpersonal relationships, often leading to disaster. I am publishing this in the hope that this will come to the aid of anyone in this situation.
Marry someone you believe is worthy of emulation; someone you can look up to and learn to forgive them. The formula of an unhappy marriage is to marry someone who you believe you can change. That is a sure recipe for disaster. When you marry someone who you think needs to be changed you are accepting that they are not good enough as it is. Also, in most cases you would not have asked them if they want to change and that too to your preferred model. And then you will lo and behold that they have other ideas about changing and your marriage will be the casualty. Remember that you are a spouse. Not a therapist. Even if you are a therapist, your spouse is not your patient. No relationship can survive that.
Falling is never a good thing. Love as we know it (from our romantic notions) is simply another word for physical attraction. It lasts usually for 2 weeks. Since you want your marriage to last a bit longer than that, it is a good idea to focus on respect which will grow into love. Not falling into but growing into. What does that mean? It means that 25 years after you have been married every time you look at your spouse you fall in love all over again. Growing in love means evolving a common language of glances, signals, and words that only you two can understand. It is almost magical to see it work. I wish it for all those who read this. That is heaven on earth.
Go look in the mirror and tell yourself that the only one in the world who thinks that you are an unqualified blessing is perhaps your mother and that too, perhaps. Tell yourself that you married your spouse because you liked them, not because you found them when they lost their way to their shrink. They didn’t come to be changed. They came to be friends, to share their lives, to slog their butts off to keep you in the style to which you have become accustomed. Surely that deserves a ‘thank you’? Look at their good side. The side you married them for.