Then don’t do 3 things and do 3 things:
COLLECT GARBAGE: Have a selective memory. Remember only good and forget all bad. Garbage always stinks and only you will smell it.
TRY TO MOULD, CHANGE OR SCULPT: If you didn’t like what you saw, why did you marry? If you liked what you saw, why do you want to change it? Your spouse is not a rock, a lump of clay or a patient in your hospital. They didn’t marry you to be changed. So change yourself to like them.
CRITICIZE: Nagging never works. If he wanted a nag he’d have married a horse. Forgive and seek forgiveness. Nothing works like SORRY. Do you want Allah to forgive you? Then forgive your spouse and thank them for giving you so much practice.
LAUGH: Always at yourself and with others. A sense of humor is like air. You need it to remain alive. Laugh especially when you’re having problems. Laugh at yourself for marrying someone so irritating…and you thought you were clever. And laugh because she was stupid enough to marry you. Couples who can laugh together, stay together.
THANK: Thank your spouse because there’s no thanking Allah without thanking the people. So thank them for all the so-called small things. You will know the value of those small things when they are not there.
SHOW YOUR LOVE: Demonstrate your affection. They’re not mind readers. Even if they are, they like to see it. So show it. And do that at least three times a day. I’ve been married 30 years and at least I’m happy, so I should know.
Last two as a bonus: Say yes as much as possible. Say no only to things which are against the Shariah. Smile a lot. Keep your mouth shut especially if you’re angry. And remember that perfect happiness is only in Jannah.
Finally: Give her your cheque book. Tell her it’s hers to manage. If she spends it all you’ll both fast until next pay day. If she needs more money she should ask Allah for it in Tahajjud. Make her the authorized signatory in the bank. And live happily ever after.
Parting shot: All of the above applies equally to both spice…my plural of spouse. That’s why they call marriage the spice of life.
They don’t? Well, they should.
So I abandoned that line and tried to appeal to his better self. But I should have first checked to see if it was with him. I discovered later that it was still in his village with his family. I am not reporting that conversation because it is simply too tedious. The long and short of it was that I had no option but to ignore my doctor and climbed up and down the stairs for four days, praying that I didn’t end up suffering for it.
We returned for breakfast and I asked the Forest Department Official who stays in Haldupudao about the roads. He said that repairs were being done to bridges and so the roads were closed. I asked him why in that case, this was not mentioned on the website or why this location was not closed for bookings until the roads were useable. He shrugged. Such an expressive gesture, the shrug. Done well, it can mean anything at all. And what’s more it leaves you to decide what you want it to mean. I decided that I wanted it to mean end of conversation and reminded myself of my own quote – I will not allow what’s not in my control to prevent me from doing what is in my control. It was in my control to enjoy myself. It was not in my control to teach the Forest Department the fundamentals of customer service. So I was going to leave what was not in my control and do what was in my control and enjoy myself notwithstanding.
We saw a Sambar stag in repose and several Barking Deer, always alarmed at life. But we saw no tigers in Corbett Tiger Reserve. Nor did we see any elephants though we saw tiger pug marks and elephant dung to our heart’s content. I believe this was because we couldn’t really explore the area that was given to us because roads were closed but nobody bothered to inform us.
Nobody can guarantee any sightings, especially of tigers and leopards which are nocturnal animals and shy to boot but if there are enough opportunities to roam the forest, then the chances of sighting increase dramatically. That is what wildlife tourism is supposed to do – increase your chances of seeing the animals. And that is what we were denied because roads were closed.
But will this happen? Incredible India once again.
My dear brother
It’s not my intention to cause you pain by sending these things. Maybe I shouldn’t share them with you. This is just my cry of anguish for the pain of others.
A pain that can be alleviated if the silent majority of good people in countries that claim to be democratic stop being silent. You believe you’re country is free and supports free speech? Then maybe it’s time to test that assumption and speak out and tell Europe and America to stop telling lies and stop invading other’s lands and stop selling arms and trading in death.That’s the ugly truth.
Iraq didn’t invade America or Europe but both invaded Iraq. The result is there for us all to see. The issues are ugly. If I name them you’ll get angry. So I won’t. But you know them as well as I do.
The fact is that it’s the silent majority who are not child killers but who sit silently while children are killed because those children are not their own, who are responsible. Their taxes are paying the killers salaries, buying the equipment, the ammunition and making the makers of those weapons and their sellers very rich. Those silent people are working in the weapons factories and taking salaries and bonuses for good work. What do they think those weapons are being made for? To drop ice cream on the children? Just because they call it cutting grass, it’s not like mowing the lawn. An entire generation is being cynically and deliberately destroyed.
Ask that silent majority to exchange places with those people, Palestinian, Syrian, Afghan and others and see what it feels like. Grass cutting looks different when the grass is your child, believe me. Tell them,” If you don’t believe me, try it and see for yourself.”
Remember that the cries and tears of the helpless are not unanswered. The One who listens and sees, waits for those He gave the power, to make changes and stop oppression. But when they don’t, then His decision comes. And that is not pretty and can’t be stopped.
I sincerely hope that all the silent good people of Europe and America wake up and face the fact that if they’re doing it in their name and they remain silent then they’re endorsing the action and accepting responsibility.
Responsibility has consequences
Routine both enables and destroys the opportunity to make real gains. That depends on what you choose to include in your routine. You make the choices. The routine does the rest. For many people they get into a routine which they believe will enable them to live the life of their dreams. That’s flawed thinking because living and dreaming are not two separate things.
What you live is and becomes your dream even if you hold something else in your mind, called , “Dream”. For such people by the time they get to where they feel they can now pursue their dream, they find that they’ve come to the end of the road. There’s no more life left to make the dream come true. They discover to their horror that they were in fact making a dream come true all those decades…someone else’s dream while they were waiting to get to the point where they could go after their own.
The time to go after your dream is now. Because now is all you have and all you’ll ever have. Now is all that anyone ever has.
Make the right choices because everything else depends on that. You’re free to choose but every choice has a price tag. Read the price tag carefully. It will have the name of what you’re choosing to give up on it. That’s the price of the choice you’re making. Every time you choose to do something, you’re choosing not to do something else. That’s the price of what you chose to do. Do read the tag and decide if you really want to pay that price.
Many people make choices without reading the price tag. Then complain that they didn’t have any other choice. But that’s not true. The price tag had the name of the other choice which they could have chosen instead if they’d read the tag. Life’s store doesn’t have a cash or checkout counter. The choices are remotely linked to your account and you pay as soon as you put the choice into your basket. So you pay as soon as you choose. Only, you may not feel the pinch right away.
But not to worry. You will. We all do. Some feel the pinch and it can hurt, sometimes very badly. Others feel the joy.
Once again the choice is ours to make
Thoughtshare as I look back on sixty years.
The picture is my name in Arabic calligraphy hand painted by the Imam of the Great Mosque in Xi’an
The Great Mosque of Xi’an ( Chinese: 西安大清真寺; pinyin: Xīān Dà Qīngzhēnsì ) is located near the Drum Tower on 30 Huajue Lane of Xi’an, Shaanxi province, China. The mosque covers 12,000 square meters.